A Letter from America

Winter in the good ‘ol U S of A.... including plenty of skiing and a guided tour of Yellowstone, January to March 2018

We are currently snuggled in our cottage in Grand Targhee, watching giant, fluffy snowflakes accumulate some serious depth on the banks of the creek just outside our window. The place is surrounded with bare cotton-wood trees, whose twisted branches trace stained glass window patterns in the moonlight. The local snow prediction for today reads as follows:

Today we welcome back the glory days of Grand Targhee powder riding! The rad-o-meter has slowly been on the uptick and will continue rising into the weekend to the seismic level of super-shredability. 6” of new snow have blanketed the mountain in a soft, white canvas.

It is a good day to ski.

Last week we were in Yellowstone, which is spectacular in summer, and utterly amazing in winter. Hopefully the creature-photos speak for themselves, however our photography fails to convey the grandeur and majesty of the surrounds. Everything in the USA is bigger, and the mountains are no exception.

We travelled through the park with a small assortment of Americans (it is not allowed to travel on your own in winter). Most were charming (i.e. keen to share photos of their pets and tell us their illnesses), but for one couple. This matchy-matchy pair dressed in the exactly the same outfits each day, but for his ‘kooky’ polar bear face hat (on an adult….?!). They oozed entitlement and were enthusiastic Trump supporters – in stark contrast to everyone else. (Admittedly, I am slightly envious of folks who ski wearing cutesy kitten ears, or fuzzy full-body bear suits - they are either much younger than us, so good on the slopes that their attire is irrelevant, or they just don’t give a fuck. He did not tick one of those boxes.)

Prior to Yellowstone we went from the Wall Street Insurance logo wearing Vail crowd, to the dizzyingly moneyed heights of Aspen, where there is nary a cutesy costume to be seen. More common here are the latest Kjus designs (US $1000 - $3000), regularly seen on children – silly to spend too much when they are only going outgrow it.

Adults are decked in seriously high-end lines, many of which are blinged to the max with diamantes, beading, leather fringing, and/or lined with raccoon fur. Mink coats (pale blue), US$350 fox-fur pom-pom hats and high-heeled furry après ski boots are de rigueur, especially at the bar atop the gondola.  I did see one jacket I thought was particularly classy – the owner was so helpful when we said how lovely it was. She told me exactly where to go to purchase it (only US$2000) and how she loved this season’s designs so much that she had bought three or four of them!

The gondola at Aspen takes 15 minutes to reach the top of the mountain, and provided us with several interesting conversations. A selection:

Chap 1: Was CEO of a fortune 500 company, his best friend has Parkinson’s disease, he is a cancer survivor, and one year the snow was so deep that airlines weren’t running, so he had to bring his family in on the corporate jet. (Your typical American over-sharer.)

Chap 2: Was responsible for the sailing boat Wild Oats losing the Sydney-Hobart race. He expected a blow-job and hot soup for carrying some woman’s skis on a recent hike, but only got the soup. (Your typical Australian over-sharer.)

Chap 3: Entered the gondola wafting eau d’Marijuana. He sat back, closed his eyes and proceeded to describe in decadent terms, the five-star meals he cooks for wealthy home owners who like home cooked food, but don’t wish to cook themselves. Organic of course. Fresh sea food flown in on private planes, of course. (Your typical wealthy stoner with the munchies.)

We also had a few grand days skiing Jackson Hole, Wyoming - centre of cowboy country! Cowboy hats, saloon doors, and country AND western music to boot. Jackson has a 100 person tram to take skiiers to the top of the mountain. Once at the top, there are clear warnings to not get off the tram if you are not an expert skier – there is no easy way down. The snow was quite good for the first time in a while, and the 100 person, packed to capacity tram demonstrated their joy by bursting into song on the way up!

 Weird American product of the day: Gluten-free shampoo. I kid you not.

 Check it out:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxO4oOuQZ9g